The Day Fear Made Way for "Joy"

It all began with fear.

Not just the pregnancy.

But my whole life.

One of my earliest memories was me "counting my sins" and fearing that I'd already accumulated too many to go to heaven.

Fear is a beast. It is crippling. It is consuming.

But back to the baby. Yes, there's a baby, so stay tuned :-)

The test was positive. Well let me be truthful the TESTS (all five of them) were positive. I was having a baby. My old faithful foe, fear, came creeping in within the first few milliseconds.

"Am I crazy?"

"Will people view me as the crazy lady with FIVE kids?"

"Is this my time? My time to experience loss?"

"Who has heard of a person having five consecutive healthy pregnancies and babies?"

Last year, I had to pray with five friends who all had miscarriages. Some for the very first time. I knew that it was my time, God was clearly preparing me to miscarry. I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant for the first eighteen weeks. Not only does that say something about how scared I was, but also how SCARY I must have been since no one had the audacity to even approach me as I obviously outgrew my church clothes!

My entire pregnancy, went well. No hiccups, no health scares, just a lot of time. The more time passed, the more anxious and fearful I became.

"Baby, I want to see you. I want you out here with me, healthy and alive. I need to meet you." 

I am sure that many people and family members were hurt that we waited so long to tell them. But I was extremely nervous and didn't want to risk giving my good news, and it being rejected by some. I also didn't want to tell everyone and then the baby not make it. It was a rough and lonely eighteen weeks.

I knew that I didn't want to use medication for this birth. I had four medicated births prior, and I wanted this time to be different. However, let's be clear: It wasn't because I was in my "mammoth woman, hear me roar" space, it was well...because I was afraid. I never wanted to have an epidural, but I was afraid that I couldn't make it through labor without it. On the other hand,  I was afraid that something would go wrong and I'd be paralyzed if I did get an epidural. Good grief!

But on that special Friday night, I met fear face to face; and something changed. This time would be different. As the brave, skilled, and comforting team of nurses crowded around me looking as if I was facing Mt. Kilimanjaro , they assured me that they were down for the adventure. While checking me in, one of them asked  why I wanted to go natural this time. I explained to her that for each of my deliveries, I was frightened into getting the medication.

"Are you sure? If you don't get it now you may not be able to get one and then you'll be stuck."

Each nurse before this one had used that line in some form or another, and it never failed. I took the bait out of fear of the unknown pain that I faced.

After being admitted into labor and delivery, my extremely professional nurse reluctantly shared with me that she was a mom of three, and that her 10 year old son Michael was battling cancer.( two of my worst fears combined) As a medical professional, she had done all of the testing, all of the factoring, yet realized that there was nothing she could have done differently. It was an anomaly as to why he was having to bear this.  Throughout my contractions, I stopped and prayed for Michael aloud. It got kind of weird in the room, but...I did it. As I prayed for her and her son, she encouraged me. I looked over and she had tears streaming down her face. I still pray for him.

  
The Babe, the nurses, even some whose shifts had ended stayed and cheered me on. At one point, I wanted to give up. It hurt like......yeah, it hurt. But, I looked at my nurse and told her I wanted to quit, her answer was,
 "No. You're doing it. You're doing exactly what you said you wanted to do."
"But what if I can't? What if I can't?" I asked. 
 
 I'm not sure how, I just remember getting to the point of  being ready to push and the midwife came in seemingly on "rocket-ship" shoes and handled it. My baby was born. As the nurses shouted " turn around, look here she is." I froze. Mostly because I was discombobulated and in total shock of what had just taken place. But when I turned around, there was "Joy".  The midwife handed me a hollerin' baby. I reached for her, placed her on my chest and she instantly stopped crying. The cessation of her shrill alarmed the nurses and they rushed over to check on her. But when she felt me, she knew me... and I knew "Joy".

Someone later asked me about my experience, after we were released from the hospital and I could only say "It was beautiful. It was amazing, and for the first time in my life, Fear did not win."

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7

Hello, How ya doin'?

So recently, people have been asking, "How are you?" "What's going on?" Although those may seem like completely normal questions for about 99% of the population, for me those questions cause panic and anxiety. There is so much ,too much in fact going on. This is  a loaded question. I should start retorting "How much time ya got?"

The truth is, I am not sure what the Ivy League terms are but I'm a friggin motor mouth and my mind races about 100 miles per minute. I'm thinking of everything from what I had for dinner yesterday, to how will I explain to my homeschooled kids what it means to metaphorically say "You're killin' me." I could in one instance be having the most profound spiritual revelation, and almost simultaneously be worried about why I'm neglecting being worried about something else! It is simply madness. But I remember listening to one of my favorite Christian rappers say "No one really wants to know how you're doing , that costs time." OUCH. I have often felt that way mostly in church settings. I believed that no one really expected me to say "I'm seriously battling fornication and I don't know why it's so hard for me to remember that God is watching me." Talk about awkward!

However, as an adult I am realizing the importance of being transparent. I am , where I am. Sometimes that means I'm taking a plan to get to a truck to hop on a motor cycle to drive to NASA to go to the MOON! I am where I am, which mostly means I'm menatally all over the place. So unless you have a second, or an hour, to listen please refrain from asking me "How ya' doin?"

Five Minute Fresh Face!

Something I learned a long time ago,  and even passed down to my little sister was  the  notion "Never leave your house without mascara, and lip gloss! "This is a very important girly rule to live by! Below, I have extended it to 5 things  for the "Fresh Face. "                     

I don't know about you all, but when I  first wake up, I look like....we'll use your imagination! 
So since  my wash and go face has turned into a "wash and no"  face,  I've figured  it out.  
I've been practicing this technique for months and constantly notice what a difference just 5 cosmetic items can make.  The goal is not  to look  done, or over done, but just fresh.   Like, the face you wish you had when you woke up.  One day I'll  be bold enough to  post a video tutorial.  Baby steps!

So the five items to apply after  you've  moisturized are:

1. Tinted lip  gloss,   actually  glossy
2.  Concealer,  one shade lighter than your skintone
3.  Black Eyeliner, pencil,  no gel or liquid
4.  Black  Mascara,   $5 or  less  drug  store brand
5.  Blush , red,  rose,  or deep pink

This  process  should take less than five minutes

1.  Apply and blend concealer under your eyes, the inner and outer corner of your eyes, eyelids, each side of your nose, upper lip and lips (if you have dark skin) and both corners or your mouth. Basically you're dotting it on with the pad of your ring finger and blending it the same. This will create highlights on your face. If you blend well enough there should be no need for actual foundation, I promise :)

2.Take a big blush brush, and sweep the color on the apples of your cheeks and blend into your temples, don't be shy either!

3. Next, take the black eyeliner (NO CAT EYE PLEASE NO) and gently outline the upper and lower eyelid from outer corner to the middle, as close the lash line as you can. *This is also the trick to use in any event where you forgot, or lost your mascara.

4. Layer on the mascara, top and bottom lashes.

5. Lastly, "grease up those lips"! Be generous with the lip gloss.

If this is done properly, you may not even have to go back midday and reapply! Okay, please try this and let me know how it works for me, or any suggestions that you've found!

Note: I've intentionally left off eyeshadow, the concealer on your lid will be enough for what we're trying to accomplish here!

Kitchen Staple Sweets

As a mom of small children, and a hunk of  man with a sweet-tooth, I am constantly buying cookies, crackers, treats,etc to appease them. I will insert here how baking is really not my ministry! However, I love to do easy chocolate pies, scones, red velvet cake, and a few other things that I suprisingly manage NOT to burn up. Anyhoo, between paydays or tight budget weeks, I am always trying to think of something to make with all those staple items that seem to abound in my pantry and fridge. So of course once I found some things, I HAD to share with all my other moms! So here ya go!

 

Baked custard

3 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup sugar
2.5 cups milk
pince of salt
Optional:
vanilla, extra egg yolks, cinnamon or other spices

Mix it all together. Pour into oven-safe custard cups or a casserole dish. Put the cups/dish into a larger dish (a 9x13" pan works well) and add about 1" or so of very hot (almost boiling) water to the pan - make it go about halfway up the casserole dish/custard cups. If the casserole dish/cups slide around too much, fold up a kitchen towel and place in the pan before you add the custard pans. Just make sure the towel is totally soaked in water before you put it in the oven.

Place in 350 degree oven for about 45 minutes, or until a knife stuck in the center comes out clean.

Shortbread

1 lb. butter
1 c. sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 c. flour
1/2 c. corn starch

Put butter into a large mixing bowl. Beat at medium until creamy; gradually add sugar, beating well. Stir in vanilla.
In a separate bowl, combine flour and corn starch; gradually add to butter mixture, beating at lowest speed after each addition.
Press into a 15 x 10 x 1 inch pan.
Bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 325 and bake 20 more minutes, until top is lightly browned.

Yellow Cupcakes

Yield: 30 muffins or one single layer 1/4 sheet cake

2 3/4 c Flour
2 1/2 t Baking powder
1/2 c Butter
1 3/4 c Sugar
1 1/2 t Vanilla
2 Eggs
1 1/4 c Milk

Grease and lightly flour muffin tins or fill with paper baking cups. Mix together the flour, baking powder and one teaspoon of salt. Beat butter, sugar and vanilla together until light. Add one egg and beat well (for about a minute or so) and then add the other egg and repeat. Add milk and the dry ingredients to this mixture, alternately. Mix well after each addition. Pour into the muffin pans, filling each halfway.
Bake at 375F for about 20 minutes, then cool on a wire rack.

Toys are the DEVIL...okay not really

A few times with week I contemplated snatching up all my kids toy bins, shoving them in the back of the car and speeding down to my nearest Salvation Army.  I was DONE. The reason was three fold..

1. they don't EVER seem to play with them
2. they are always scattered around the house
3. no matter how much they whined for them, not matter how shiny and new, it takes them a month or less before the toy is tossed out like a red-headed step child

So, of course, I frantically took to GOOGLE to find some direction on this matter and I came across this minimalist website. Now, I can't say that I'm all ''full go'' with the minimalist movement as I haven't really studied much about it. However, I will say that this article pointed out a very good argument for less toys. Here is a quote;

''Toys are not merely playthings. Toys form the building blocks for our child’s future. They teach our children about the world and about themselves. They send messages and communicate values. And thus, wise parents think about what foundation is being laid by the toys that are given to their kids.''

The article lists several benefits of limiting toys including increased creativity, longer attention spans, a greater love for reading, writing, and the arts, and various others. Check it out at http://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-fewer-toys-will-actually-benefit-your-kids/.

BLESSINGS,

RANDOM MOM

 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.PROVERBS 22.6

Shall we Overcome???

I could go on a long soliloquy about my absence in blogging but..that's not what you came for right? Right! So, one day I may do just that but right now...it's BACK TO BUSINESS!



In my long journey to try to get some organization in my life as opposed to my normal coping mechanism that includes getting under an alternative down comforter and hiding and crying underneath a kitchen table...ALAS, my prayers have been answered!

Here we go! Try out of some of these "Purposed Prompts" along with me and let's see if we can rise from the ashes of clutter and passed deadlines! From the mounds of dirty dishes and diapers...from...okay you get the idea!

1. Laundry-Only one load at a time.  You must follow the cycle:Wash, dry, hang/fold, repeat! That is the only way to keep from having so many clothes on your bed, overflowing in baskets that you end up having to rewash EVERYTHING because you honestly cannot remember where the clean pile begins and the dirty pile ends.

For you over-acheivers out there, this may seem inefficient. That's what I thought too. Try it.

2. Schedule your study time- That way, you'll simply look forward to it all day. You can enjoy the time with your kids, and even cleaning your home becuase you are not feeling guilty about when can you slip in a page or two of the book your need to read or paper you need to write.

3. Read a Magazine- IT'S OK! I promise. Get your mind off of your every day stuff. Get some new ideas, whether it be a new outfit, recipe or a new method of using old lemon peels to save your dollars on high priced cleaners and deodorizing sprays.

 

4. Walk OFF from your electronic devices-Yep, do it. That text can wait, so can that email. So can that recipe. It can wait. I felt so liberated just walking away from my phone. I also left my laptop upstairs on my desk where it belonged. No dragging long cords all over the house so that I could have it at my disposal. Nope. It can wait. And it did. It waited until my 1 1/2 year old went down for a nap. Now I have both hands free to check out whatever I need to. Then it's up and to the park!

 

Does this mean that my house was spotless when my husband got home? NO

 

Does this mean that all of my laundry for the week was starched, pressed, and ready to go? NAH

 

Does this mean that I was in a much more tolerable and sane state of mind with a better understanding of what I could realistically acheive in a given period of time? DING DING DING, YES!

 

 

Now THAT is how you put on a face!

So, one thing I've been struggling with lately is my "wash and go" face. I am starting to realize that the youthful, innocent  glow of my late teens and early twenties is...waning. (Relax...I'm only about six months out from the big 30!) But with that being the case, I'm starting to notice when I wake up in the morning, that I may need to "prep" a little more than I used to before I go out. My mom and grandmother blessed me with amazing skin, so now, I've just got to take care of it, and highlight it on occassion.

I've always been into makeup, I think I started dabbling in it right about the time I learned to...tie my shoes! My friends, and family members were often victims of my "makeovers." So now I'm just getting back into my love for it, as makeup is proving to be a staple in my daily routine. I've also had some inspiration from my beautiful sister :) I encourage you to watch this video, and subscribe to this channel on youtube. This young lady does an awesome job and is very clear in her instruction. I do not know her personally, but I am just a fan. Be blessed, and feel free to share some of your makeup secrets below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e5Jcda0O2g&feature=related

Here are a few tips that are helpful, especially for women of color:

1. YOU MUST MOISTURIZE-I use St. Ives Intensive lotion. It's lightweight and has lots of vitamin E.

2. YOU MUST MOISTURIZE YOUR LIPS-An old tip from my mom, I use actual Vitamin E oil by bursing open an actual Vitamin E gel capsule. By now I'm sure they have another form of it available.

3. USE BLUSH!!!!-Many of us, especially women of color forget this crucial highlighting step. It makes your face have that natural glow and it brings together all of the other makeup. So don't be afraid of the blush...I used to be.

4. USE CONCEALER, EVEN ON YOUR LIPS AND EYELIDS-This will really give you an even palette to work with, it will also conceal some discoloration on the lips as well and help to get that nude color if you are looking to work that.

 

 

You ain't GOT no job, MAN !!!

Okay so ...you had to have watched the "Martin" show in the '90's to understand the title of this post. But, unemployment is a serious problem so as I was watching "The Revolution" on ABC, they were giving out tips on finding jobs. So of course, I looked out for ya, and jotted them down.

Five Tough Love Tips for Job Seekers

Sorry but I deleted the first two by accident and cannot find them! But...these were the most helpful:

3. Use your time wisely
Job seekers, don't spend so much time on the computer, but push away and get out and work on getting that face to facecontact. 20% of your time should be spent on the computer, and the other 80% deepening your current networks, or expanding them.

2. Zone in on what matters
What are the key things that your future employer is looking for? Hone in on those skills. Try to learn and master them.
Equally as important figure out how to tell the story in an interview, about how your experience and/skills can fit exactly what they need.

1. Build/Deepen your network
Friends, co workers, church, neighborhood, friends and family, sell your self! Everyone needs to know what kind of job you are looking for and what your skill set is.  Everyone knows someone, that knows someone that can give you a job. STOP THINKING " I don't want to be a bother." START THINKING " I am worth their time because if they get me a job, I am gonna work my TAIL off and they'll be glad that they hired me."

*My personal tips*
Go to places that may not be specific firms for  your field, but places that you know employ people in your profession.

Ex: So you don't have a degree in Nursing? Still, go to the hospital. They have administrative jobs, gift shops, finance departments, janitorial, tech departments, etc.
Check Universities
Local Colleges
Non-Profits

Dress for the job you WANT. So this is key. I don't care if it's a fast food restaurant, or a law firm, I always wear a suit, stockings, and heels to ANY interview. I also dress in business casual attire when inquiring about a position.

Oh yeah, I forgot that he had such a good personality!

As I sat watching the unveiling of George and Laura Bush's portraits at the White House, I found myself actually laughing and smiling. Very odd since I prayed for 8 years that we could have a do over and his presidency would turn out to have been a  HUGE miscount. (Kinda like the mishap in Florida years back.) But what I discovered as I heard Mr. Bush speak, was how funny and warm and...likeable he was as a person. He was borderline hilarious in his acceptance speech, ordering attendees to "sit down" as they gave him a rousing standing ovation.  Former President Bush was extremely likeable, gracious, and unforgettably humourous.

There was one touching moment during the speech that was my favorite. He spoke about how much of an honor it was for his portrait to hang fairly close to a man who showed him "unconditional love." "Number 41", his Father Former President George H.W. Bush. As a mother, my heart melted. At that moment, he was just a grateful son who had followd in his daddy's footsteps, which further intensified that beautiful, sacred bond of a father and son.  It made me think of how close my boys are with their Dad, and for once, I had stopped and acknowledged the humaness of our former president.

I thought it would only be fair to point this out, since I was often so harsh in judging his political record. Being the President has to be one of the toughest jobs around, but I now have a new understanding: Never forget the person behind the position.

Follow this link to watch the ceremony. It was really good!
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/cvplive/cvpstream4&hpt=hp_t2

Thank you Dr. Oz

So you check the time on your computer and on any given weekday and it's four o'clock, you think "Just one more hour, one more, and I'm off the MAN's clock! But, if  you're a domestic engineer like myself...It's time for Dr. Oz!
His show is like a chocolate chocolate cupcake....only fat free! Seriously, the wealth of health knowledge and tips is very addictive. His show today on "eating to avoid cancer" was by far the best. Please see the tips below or go to http://www.doctoroz.com/ for more info!

20% of women with lung cancer HAVE NEVER SMOKED A CIGARETTE!!!

Eat blueberries! They are a superfruit and also help fight lung cancer.

Drink 2 glasses of citrus fruit juice per day or eat Tangerines and Clementines to help fight cancer of the esophagus.

Eat bananas and squid(not necessarily  together) to stave off breast cancer

Frozen squash to fight off lymphoma

A mini spa for your "hoo-hah"?

Ladies, I have tested and tried this one. There is no need,  for a long post I'll just dare you to try it. Dr. Bronner's Peppermint soap. This will make you smell minty fresh in all the right places! I am hooked. You can buy it online at http://www.drbronner.com/ or at Target. The bar of soap will run you just under $5 and should last about four weeks (unless your husband mistakes it for irish spring and lavishly lathers like there's no tomorrow!)  This soap not only smells unreal, but leaves you with a refreshingly clean feeling like no other. Warning: You may have to get used to the tingle!

Secret for longer, leaner legs

Forgot to share this in other posting but this is super important.  If you have thick legs, the last thing you want to do is to make them look short. So I have posted shoes to stay away from and ones to run to.  Of course heels make you look "stacked" and that's a great thing.  But if your option is betweem wearing flats or ankle strap pumps that make your ankles look choked??? Pick flats. Those ankle straps cut off the flow of your legs and thus emphasizes the chunk. The exception is open toes with ankle straps that look sexy and creates the illusion of longer legs.  This is from personal experience.

I've done the leg work...arm work...& booty work

Ah, my beloved ladies, I took one for the team today. The hubby took the kids, and I sacrificed myself at the altar they call "the dressing room." Yep, I went to the girly store, gathered about 20 fashions and trends, all in an effort to see what actually works on curvy women. So, here are my findings!

Wanna hide chunky thighs?

Find the deepest darkest denim . None with that faded look. Just deep deep blue denim, and marry it. I was so sold, that I vow here and now to NEVER buy anything else. Unless you want to do color jeans  but even still stay away from white and pastel shades.

Wanna minimize chunky midsection?

Make horizontal striped dresses your bff. The lines are not only hypnotizing but very flattering.  I must say, this was my favorite look.

Say yes to prints with one exception:  stay away from overly blousy loose printed material. It only makes you look like a frumpy ethereal mess.

Belts!!! Belts "create" a defined waist.

The biggest shocker was the trendy solid-top-printed bottom dress. REALLY, REALLY slimming, I was looking pretty hot, I must say.

Belted shirt dresses are also a good camo!

How about meaty arms?

If you have pretty decent shoulders, try a sleeveless dress or tank with straps NO thinner than 2 inches.

Which capris look best on shorties?

Straight and long. All the others make us looked "sawed off."

The biggest and most important lesson deserves all caps...
DO NOT WEAR DRESSES THAT FALL HIGHER THAN TWO INCHES ABOVE YOUR KNEES IF YOU HAVE BIG THIGHS AND FAT KNEES!!! Trust me, please.

You're welcome. (lol)

Need a marriage booster?

Well...so do I! I know that I'm the blogger and should have something to share so here it goes. PRAY. And if you are not a Christian, then most certainly pray even harder because the uncertainty of your eternal life must be causing you extreme unrest. But back to marriage. Although it is like walking a bed of hot coals sometimes, realize that your spouse's unresolved hurt, could be causing him/her to hurt you. (not physically)  Things in the past, feelings of failure, childhood terrors, strained familial relations and simply the stress of everyday life can all be things contributing to unresolved hurt in your spouse. So pray for their strenghth, peace and healing. Pray tha t the Lord allows you to show him/her the same grace and mercy that He shows us.

Please, share some of your marriage.secrets!